Watch the Sunrise
by AKA DD
Summary: Brought together unwillingly by heat, and torn apart by secrets and deceptions, have Alec and Max completely lost their one chance at happiness?
1. Chapter 1

**DISCLAIMER: Dark Angel doesn't belong to me.**

**A/N: I know, I know. Another story? Shouldn't I finish the others first? Yeah, I really should. But I can't help it if I suddenly had a strange dream and turned it into a MaxAlec story right? I think I've been drinking too much. Hahaha…it's summer vacation now, so I can. That's my excuse, what's yours?**

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She liked to watch the sunrise.

Shifting slightly she pulled away from the warmth that enveloped her, clenching her teeth against the sudden feeling of coldness.

The sun was rising over the city of Seattle. Max Guevara stood up from where she was and pulled on the first item of clothing she found. It was his shirt: a large button down, dark green shirt that he sometimes wore over his plain T-shirts. She slipped into it, the sleeves falling past her fingers, the hem caressing her thigh. Buttoning it, she stepped out through a window.

She was greeted by the brisk air of dawn. She let it cool her still warm skin. She let it chill her. It helped to dispel the thoughts of last night. Of every night for the past six weeks.

She stepped to the very edge of the six hundred foot drop. Sometimes, when she looked down at Seattle at this time of day, just as the sun's rays touched everything for the first time again, she could almost forget her problems. The sun made everything glow golden, promising a brighter day.

She sighed heavily. She had to go now. It was always difficult in the mornings. After these few minutes—minutes that only felt like seconds—the sun always became harsh, bringing into detail the realities of what Seattle really was like: a decrepit city desperately holding on to its former glory.

She heard a footfall behind her. She didn't bother to turn around. She knew who it was. The same person it had been everyday for the last six weeks.

"I'm gonna need my shirt back," he said, his voice flat.

Max turned around and shrugged at him. "Sure." She began to move back towards him, her hands already beginning to unbutton the shirt. Max looked at him, her face expressionless, but her chestnut gaze never leaving his green ones.

He was standing there, his jeans hugging his hips perfectly, his t-shirt was taut over his broad chest and tucked neatly into those jeans. He had put on his scuffed work boots already. He was ready to go. He just needed his button-down shirt.

Alec McDowell had never hated mornings until that one six weeks ago. There were so many other ways to start the day. Better ways. Less heart-breaking ways. But this was what they were now.

He stared impassively at Max, silhouetted by the early rays of the sun. She was beautiful, as always. She kept her gaze on his, her eyes challenging but otherwise blank. He held her stare until she walked past him. As soon as she was back inside she tossed the shirt towards him through the window. He caught it in midair, and shrugged into it. He could still feel her warmth from its fabric. He could still smell her on it. He could still smell her on his body.

Alec always woke up the second Max left him in the morning. Every time she pulled her warm, lush body away from his, it was like having cold water splashed in his face in the morning. The cold air of dawn always hit him hard as it replaced the space that she had occupied against his body. But he always pretended to stay asleep, giving her the time and space she needed to move away from him. To walk away. Some days, he found he actually didn't have the strength to get up until he had heard the roar of her motorcycle start up.

He knew Max, and he knew this was what she wanted. Sometimes they talked as they got dressed. But she would never talk about what _this _was between them. So he had learned. Some conversation. No contemplations.

He heard the rustling behind him as she pulled her clothes back on. He didn't turn around and give her privacy. The opposite, in fact, he stared at her, his eyes veiled. He appreciated her body; that was a given fact between them. It was strength and grace personified. It was lush curves and sleek muscles. It was silk and fire to his touch.

But only in the cover of darkness.

Any other time, she was untouchable.

Alec hopped through the broken window again as she finally stuck her dark blue newsboy cap onto her head. Without another word to each other, they walked down the hundreds of steps down the Space Needle. Side by side, but never touching.

They both straddled their bikes, and simultaneously shoved dark sunglasses over their sensitive eyes. He smirked at her as they both gunned their engines. "See ya at the meeting today?" he called out.

"Course," She gave him a condescending stare, her lips twisted into something that wasn't quite a smile. "And _you_ better be there, else I'll kick your ass." Then she revved her engine and drove away. Without another backward glance.

Alec sighed. Then he, too, hit the road. Back to Terminal City. Back to their real lives there. And in his case, letting his heart break one more time as he let her slip through his fingers one more morning.

He glanced up and watched the sun rise.

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Max rolled her head wearily trying to ease the tension that was building up. He rubbed her temples to soothe the throbbing headache. Terminal City business was taking a toll on her. It had been a year since Freak Nation had been exposed and while the X-series had been semi-integrated to society, the fate of the transhumans was still under negotiations.

She dropped her head into her hands wearily. She was so tired. Her eyes drifted shut for a second.

"Mmmm…" she murmured, as she felt warm strong hands kneading the tense muscles of her shoulders and back. Then her eyes flew open as she realized that she'd fallen asleep at her desk.

She immediately tensed up and pulled away from the warm hands. "_Don't_, Alec."

"Max, just let me…" he said softly, laying a hand over her barcode. He felt her shiver slightly, knowing that she was particularly sensitive there.

"I said, don't!" she cried tersely, twisting away from his touch. Her body protested her mind's decision. Of course she wanted Alec to continue his ministrations, but she knew it wasn't wise to let him. She was already too entangled with him as it was.

"Max," he said, his voice placating. It always hurt him every time she rejected his touch. It never mattered that at night she melted for him. It still caused a painful little constriction in his heart to know that he was her dirty little secret. He was still standing behind her, so she couldn't see him. It was a good thing because he hadn't been able to hide the slash of pain that had crossed his face when she had pulled away from him. "This—thing with us—it's ridiculous. You know it, and I know it."

Max turned around to glare at him. "I'm not talking about this." she snapped.

"Well _I_ am." He said stubbornly. "So you're just gonna have to listen."

She pushed her chair back, not caring that she might hit him behind her. Alec sidestepped her actions and placed a restraining hand on her arm as she tried to get up and leave. She swung her other arm to punch him, but he blocked it knowing her well enough to anticipate her next move. Their eyes locked and they stood frozen like that for a minute: her clenched fist caught in his bigger one, his other hand closed tightly around her other wrist, locking her arm behind her.

"Let me go, Alec," she whispered vehemently, her eyes shooting sparks at him.

_I can't._ He thought achingly. _Because you're mine, Max._ Instead he held her fiery glare with his own icy stare. Neither one of them would stand down. "We're not done yet, Max." he said, his voice dangerously low. "I haven't said my piece yet."

"There's nothing to talk about." She bit out. She saw the cold anger turn his green eyes into ice chips, almost glowing. He suddenly pulled her to him and crushed her lips against his own. She couldn't fight him, he had both her arms twisted painfully behind her, effectively immobilizing her.

His lips were bruising in their intensity. He twisted her wrist in that painful lock some more so that she gasped in pain. He used that momentary lapse to slip his tongue into her mouth. Then his mouth gentled, caressed, coaxed.

Max wanted to fight. She wanted to resist. But in reality, she was already leaning into him. Her body had ignited the moment his lips touched hers. She was already responding to him. She moaned hungrily as she started kissing him back, her own tongue dancing with his.

Alec released her mouth, but trailed kisses down her throat. He pulled at her hands that were still behind her back. They were gentler now, but still firm. She was forced to arch her body towards him. But she threw her head back on her own volition, allowing him more access to the sensitive areas of her neck. He knew exactly how to touch her and where. By now, he knew every inch of her body.

"Can you tell me this is nothing, Max…?" he goaded softly, his lips still trailing whisper-light kisses on her skin.

"This is nothing, Alec," she gasped.

"No, Max…" he whispered, his voice husky by her ear. He tickled that ear with his tongue, expertly flicking at it the way he knew made her weak in the knees. And sure enough, she swayed even closer to him. "We have something here…admit it."

She opened hazy eyes and stared at him. "No."

Hurt and angry, he released her suddenly. She fell back against her desk, her arms braced behind. He looked down at her, his face a cold mask. "Fine," he said through clenched teeth. Then he turned away, ready to walk out of her office.

Max felt the now-familiar constriction in her chest. "Alec, you know I _can't_…" she breathed. He didn't even pause on his way out, just kept on walking. He opened the door, and paused before he closed it behind him. "No, I don't, Max. I don't know."


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** Dark Angel, not mine. **Alec, all mine**. Really. In my dreams.

**A/N**: I'm changing the summary of this story just to reflect the turn it's taken. I hadn't planned on continuing it, but somehow, I must not have ended it right because everyone kept expecting a next chapter. So I thought, it's summer vacation…why not? But, now, it's different from my original intention. So…new summary! Check it out!

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Max stared out of her apartment window. She didn't have much of a view. She looked down at Oak street and watched as other transgenics went about their day-to-day business. She wondered how many of them turned to auto-pilot everyday, just putting one foot in front of the other, pretending to live.

Just like her.

Alec would never understand.

_I'm sorry,_ she mouthed against the window as she leaned her forehead tiredly on the pane. She wanted to tell Alec she was sorry for using him. She wanted to tell him that she was sorry she couldn't talk to him. Sorry that she couldn't love him.

She was just too cold inside. Numb. Frozen.

She had never told anybody what had happened between her and Logan. She had told Alec that it was over. But not why or how. It was the same reason she couldn't let anyone into her heart again.

_**Seven weeks ago…**_

_**Max opened the door to her apartment.**_

"_**I'm home!" she called out, tossing her keys onto a table. Her life was finally starting to settle down. She and Logan had found the cure and had actually started to build a…normal life. They had moved in together last month. She was still co-leader of Terminal City, sharing the responsibilities with both Alec and Mole. If it came down to it, Max could probably say for once that she was…content…with how things were going.**_

_**She heard some muffled sounds coming from the far room. It was an extra room that she and Logan didn't use. In fact, it was often used as a place where some other X's crashed when they were outside of Terminal City. It was actually like a guest room.**_

_**She smiled slightly at the domesticated thought. Who would have thought that she and Logan would be domestic enough that they actually had a fully furnished guest room in their apartment? Definitely not her. **_

"_**Logan?" she called out, making her way towards the guest room, wondering what he was doing there in the first place. **_

**_She turned the doorknob and stuck her head in. Her smile and the soft, 'hey' she was about to say died on her lips at the scene before her._**

_**Logan was standing on one side of the bed, struggling to put his shirt back on. Asha was on the other side. The blond was trying to pull a pair of black pants over her hips. Both of them stopped guiltily, their eyes swinging to Max.**_

"_**You bitch!" she cried, lunging for Asha. She was blinded by rage, her eyes zeroing on the blond woman. Her hands encircled Asha's thin neck and she shoved the other woman against the wall.**_

_**She slammed Asha against the wall again and again…and again. Until she realized that Logan was trying to pry her hands away from Asha. **_

"_**MAX!" cried Logan. He was no match for Max, he knew that. But he could see that Asha was losing consciousness. "Stop it, Max!"**_

_**Max finally released the older woman, who fell into a boneless, shaking heap at her feet against the wall. She turned her fiery brown eyes at Logan. He swallowed painfully and she could smell the rusty tang of his fear. Good. She thought, flashing him an unpleasant feral smile. "Tell me, Logan," she purred dangerously, "What exactly were you doing before I came home?"**_

_**Logan's breathing had turned shallow. He tried to reach out to her but she recoiled, so he pulled his arm back. "Max, you don't understand…" he started. **_

_**But she just gave him a look of utter betrayal. She looked down at Asha's quivering form. "No, I think I understand enough." She whispered, unable to stay in the same room as the two of them. She had to get away before the build-up of tears inside of her overflowed. She pushed past him and walked out the door.**_

_**So much for a guest room.**_

_**So much for home.**_

_**So much for a normal life.**_

_**So much for a shot at love.**_

**_It wasn't until she felt the sharp cold Seattle wind slapping at her face as she drove on her Ninja that she let the tears flow. _**

Max shook her head at the memory. What she saw that day, was still a secret that she kept in the hollow walls of her heart. A reminder of how much love could really hurt. She walked away from the window and back out the door of her apartment. Putting one foot in front of the other. Pretending to live.

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Alec hopped onto his motorcycle and gunned the engine. He sat there, letting it run idly, feeling the hum of it beneath him. He could just leave. He could just ride away and not stop until he ran out of gas. Until he was far, far away from Seattle. Far away from Max and all these emotions.

He kicked off with his foot and his bike roared to life. He sped down the streets of Terminal City, past the gates, onto the roads of Seattle, and out the last Sector checkpoint. He flew past the sign: 'YOU ARE NOW LEAVING SEATTLE' and didn't even slow down.

He rode like a speed demon. He didn't care where he was going or how far. Just as long as everything was a blissful blur, like the way the colors melded into mosaics as he flew past. As long as his heart was pounding from the exhilaration of speeding down an interstate and not because he was standing close to a girl. And if he crashed and burned, at least it wasn't because he couldn't make the woman he loved return the same feelings.

He was in love with her. It was almost funny. He was Max's secret. And _she_ was his secret. At least the part about loving her.

He had her body, but he had the sinking feeling that Logan still had a strong hold on her heart. _ You're just a poor substitute for the one she really wants, Buddy_, he chided himself bitterly. _You're wasting your time. She'd never chased after you before, what the hell makes you think now's any different? It was heat. Deal._

Alec shut his eyes briefly at the harshness of his thoughts. Sure, it had started out with her heat…of both of them being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Or the right place at the right time. It depended on how one wanted to look at it. Max would probably think the former.

_**Six weeks ago…**_

_**Alec was standing on the Space Needle contemplating the last year. So many things had come to pass for the transgenics. It had cost them blood and tears, but they had finally found their own little niche in the world.**_

_**It was also a special day for him…an anniversary. It was exactly one year, to this day, that he had finally looked at the mirror and saw Alec…not 494, but just Alec. It was one year to this date that he had looked at a mirror and didn't hate what he saw. There were no ghosts of Ben haunting him. No ghosts of Rachel. **_

_**So now, here he was again, celebrating to himself. He had survived one more year as Alec. And it felt good. He smiled into the night.**_

_**Suddenly, his nose picked up a scent. It was faint, but he knew it was there. His eyes widened as he realized who and what it was. He turned around quickly, knowing she wasn't anywhere near yet.**_

_**There was only one way up and one way down the Space Needle, and he knew either way, he was going to run into her.**_

_**Shit.**_

_**There really was nothing to do but stand there and keep his guard up. And just as he'd predicted, a few seconds later, a dark head popped out of a broken window. Her scent hit him like a ton of bricks. She was in full heat. The amount of pheromones she was dumping into the air sent his testosterone levels into overdrive. His mind went hazy as all the rest of his senses zeroed in on her. She had detected him, too, and he could see the desire flaming in her eyes.**_

"_**Max." he whispered, his tone low and aroused.**_

"_**Alec." she said, her voice matching his.**_

_**He had all but run towards her back inside the ruins of a once-popular pre-pulse restaurant. As soon as they were able, they clung to each other, their lips melding perfectly. There was no thought, no hesitation. No contemplation. Just pure instinct.**_

_**He pushed her up against the wall, his erection straining against his jeans. She had moaned in assent, her body reveling in the roughness and the need they had to succumb to their instincts. "Now," she demanded, her voice husky.**_

_**Within minutes, he was pushing himself into her, still against the wall. He made a low, animalistic grunt of pleasure as he finally slid fully into her warmth. She moaned, a sound of utter satisfaction. The resonance of her voice drove him on, and he drove into her harder and faster, in an almost frenzied pace. Her legs were wrapped around his waist, her fingers clawing at his shoulders as she pushed herself down harder against him.**_

_**She screamed his name as she climaxed. He had felt himself being pulled along with her and he had groaned out her name in response as he too found completion. They had stayed welded to each other like that for a few minutes. Their breathing was ragged, their hearts were pounding. **_

"_**Alec," she said softly, her fingers running through his hair, her lips against his left ear. "That was really good..." she trailed off, but the invitation was unmistakable.**_

_**He looked into her eyes and smirked. "Hmm…wait till you see what else I can do," he had drawled as he lowered his head to kiss her. The pheromones weren't as strong now, but they were still there, making him feel slightly buzzed. He was doing something that, if he had been in his right mind, he would never have even tried.**_

"_**Impress me," she murmured against his neck. **_

"_**Oh, you will be," he'd replied cockily. Alec kissed Max long and lingeringly this time. He released her from the wall, but only to pull the rest of her clothes off. She didn't protest but pulled his clothes off, too. He felt his body come to life as he pressed his nakedness against hers.**_

_**When they both finally fell asleep, they were content and completely sated. **_

_**And then the sun rose.**_

It should have ended with one night. It should have ended as soon as the sun rose the next day. But at night, he had been inexplicably drawn to the Space Needle.

And so had she.

And in the back of his head, he knew it was wrong. But he couldn't stop himself from striding over to her and kissing her. And she had kissed him back.

And it had happened every night since. They never arranged for it to happen. They never made plans. They just showed up. Maybe it was the sex. The sex between them was so good it even caught Alec by surprise. He hadn't expected the kind of perfect chemistry they had. By the end of that first week, he knew every inch of her body, and she had wantonly explored his to his heart's content.

"Damn you, Max!" he cursed, as he veered his motorcycle wildly towards the unpaved side of the road. If not for his enhanced reflexes, his bike would have skidded down the road and crashed. He ended up pulling his bike to a stop a few feet away from the side of the highway.

The dust swirled lightly around him and finally settled. He jumped off his bike and kicked angrily at some rocks and pebbles. He was _furious_. Alec shut his eyes briefly to contain the fury that was raging in him. He was furious with himself for letting her get under his skin. He had always cared about her—loved her, even. But he had _never_ let himself fall in love with her.

Until the last few weeks. Until he suddenly realized the idea of one day losing her to Logan _again_ had become unbearable.

And he knew that one day, no matter what he did or how hard he tried, she might still just wake up and walk away. She could just walk away from him without a second thought, and here he was despicably unable to go even a hundred miles without needing to turn back and be with her.

Her hold on him was strong. It was terrifying. In fact, Alec only had one other fear that far surpassed that one: That one day she would let go.

He stood there for a long while staring at nothing in particular. Thinking nothing in particular. Feeling nothing in particular. He was numb and frozen. It was like he was rooted at that spot. Unable to move further away, and unwilling to go back just yet. He stood there long after the sun had set, casting everything into shadow.

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**A/N2: TBC**. Yeah, I know, I have an affliction. This was supposed to be a single-chapter, one pager, stand-alone. _What happened_?


	3. Chapter 3

**DISCLAIMER: Dark Angel belongs to Cameron/Eglee whose imaginations were so freaking awesome that they created the whole DA universe. Damn. I wish it had been me.**

**A/N: Please review and tell me if things made sense. I'm still sorting out where this fic is headed. Thanks so much for all of the support**!

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**CHAPTER 3**

Max sat atop the Space Needle, hugging her legs close to her chest. She stared at the twinkling lights of Seattle, listened to the breeze, and sighed heavily.

He wasn't coming tonight.

It hurt. It hurt to realize that. And it wasn't _supposed_ to hurt. She was supposed to just be able to shrug nonchalantly, climb down this damned Space Needle and drive back home. She wasn't _supposed_ to sit here and wait for four hours. She wasn't _supposed_ to feel anything for Alec. And she certainly wasn't supposed to feel hurt by him. She shivered slightly at the thought.

"You're so stupid, Max," she whispered to herself wearily. This thing with her and Alec had to end, she knew. She was falling into a false sense of comfort and security, letting her guard down. Expecting more.

Her ears pricked and her nostrils flared as she realized he was somewhere near. It only took a few minutes before she heard the rustling behind her. She didn't have to turn around to know that he was climbing out the window to join her. "Didn't think you were coming," she said softly, her voice carefully neutral.

"So, you _didn't_ come here to be alone?" he drawled, his tone slightly amused. Alec hadn't expected to find Max here. He'd thought she'd have left by now, considering how late—or early—it already was. It was surprisingly poignant to know that she'd waited. For him.

She shrugged but smiled slightly at his question. She felt him lower himself down next to her. He pulled his knees up and rested his arms on them, casually linking his fingers together. They stayed like that for a while, just sitting together, lost in their own thoughts. It was both comforting and awkward at the same time.

Tonight, they hadn't come to be together. Neither had expected the other to be there. Both knew that lines had been crossed and it was time to stop.

It was then that Max realized that they hadn't been friends in a long time. She'd worked so damned hard to push him away because she was afraid she'd come to care for him, that she had completely forgotten that she _already_ cared for him.

"I'm sorry," she said, not looking at him.

"Me, too."

"This isn't fair to you,"

He shrugged. "No, it's not." He agreed. He stared at her profile, silhouetted by the moonlight. Her hair blew around her, sometimes caressing her face. "Why did you wait for me, Max?"

"I don't know. I just couldn't leave." she replied honestly. She turned to look at him and their eyes locked. She realized that his eyes were as guarded as her own. They were both keeping secrets from each other. She reached over and touched his arm lightly. She felt his muscles tense lightly, but he didn't pull away. "But I still can't give you what you want."

"You don't know what I want, Max," he sighed, his eyes falling to her hand on his arm. He let that small hand rest there for a moment before shifting slightly. He pulled his arm away from her, as if physical distance could ease the pain of what he was about to do. "And it doesn't matter anyway. It's over. I can't do this anymore."

"I know." Her voice was flat and unemotional. Stating a fact.

Alec took a deep breath and let the sharp pain that her words brought pass through him. If he didn't fight it, it didn't hurt as much. He had always known that she would let go—without even protesting. He wasn't even worth fighting for. It was over, just like that.

Strange, but he had gotten exactly what he expected, but it still left a bitter taste in his mouth. He was the one who'd said it. They were done. He was going to move on now. His mouth tilted downward as he contemplated what moving on without Max might be like. It left him feeling cold because he couldn't picture it.

He stood up to leave, dusting his pants. He glanced down at her, memorizing her features, memorizing this moment. "I'll see you around, then," he sighed, and turned to leave.

"Alec!" she called. She scrambled up and walked after him. He turned around to face her, his face masked. He was so beautiful, it hurt. It hurt to know that she was too broken inside to give herself to him. It would never be fair to him if she could never love him. He deserved someone who would be able to give herself completely. She just knew that it wasn't her.

He was looking expectantly at her. Max swallowed uncomfortably. "We were friends, before…"

"Yeah, we _were_." He agreed with small shrug. Then he smirked slightly at her, a ghost of his former smart-alecky self. "I think."

"Do you think we could…" she paused, here eyes were suddenly brimming with tears. "…we could go back to that?"

He shook his head wearily. "Don't know, Max." he said. "I honestly don't know. We screwed up.' He said, his face marred by a small frown, his lips pursed in a sad, bitter smirk. He didn't think he could stay close to her and not want her. He didn't think being friends with her would ever be enough. They could work together because Terminal City needed it, but that would have to be it.

He saw two tears roll quietly down her cheeks as she nodded. "Yeah, we messed up."

"Maybe we'll be better again, someday." He lied.

"Yeah…" she agreed, although she sounded unconvinced. "I'll see ya, Alec." She turned around to face away from him, to look back out over the city, not wanting to watch him walk away. She listened to his receding footsteps until they were nothing more than echoes. A sob broke through her tightly compressed lips as she realized that pushing him away hadn't worked.

For some reason, the heart that she had thought was broken beyond repair seemed to have shattered even more.

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**Five weeks later…**

Max broke into Logan's apartment. She closed the door silently behind her, slipping the lock pick into her pocket. She crept forward, her transgenic eyes dilating fully to see in the darkness.

It didn't look like much had changed since she'd last been here the night she'd stormed out. She walked noiselessly throughout the apartment, her eyes looking for small details. Specific details.

One toothbrush. One pair of slippers. One used coffee cup in the sink.

No pairs of shoes that belonged to a female. No perfumed scent in the air. No feminine touches anywhere.

It wasn't likely she'd find Asha here tonight. She wasn't sure if the thought was comforting or infuriating. It wasn't like she wanted to see Asha here, but at the same time, she wanted to feel justified with the way she had left things. But, that was the whole reason she was in here in the first place. She needed answers.

She crept to the bedroom and saw Logan sleeping—the kind of sleep only Ordinaries could ever take for granted. It was the deep sleep of complete surrender. Transgenics, especially her, rarely—if ever—slept that deeply. Their wary nature could never allow them to completely surrender to the oblivion that sleep brought on.

He was sprawled haphazardly on the King-sized bed. His shirt was rumpled and stained. He had several days' growth of beard on his face, and he hadn't even taken off his glasses. His hair was unkempt and greasy. And he looked absolutely exhausted.

Max felt a slight pang in her heart. She had loved this man with the kind of reckless trust only a first love could evoke, and she didn't want to see him waste away like this. Against her better judgment, she carefully reached out and slipped his glasses off his face. He flinched slightly, and mumbled a name, "Max," he said, his voice no more than a broken whisper.

She froze. Barely breathing, she waited until he resettled back into slumber. She carefully crept to a corner of the room and sat down there, watching him sleep. She would get her answers later. Tonight, she just wanted to remember what it was like to love with complete abandon. She sat there for hours, watching him and listening to his steady breathing. It evoked memories that were both sweet and damning.

There were a few times when she had done this very thing: watched him sleep and found comfort in his breathing. Now, she only felt a deep sense of loss of knowing that there were some things that could never be recaptured.

"Why, Logan?" she whispered quietly into the room.

She never expected him to hear her. But he did. His eyes opened and looked around blearily. "Max?" he called out in the darkness, his voice rising with a note of hope. "Max? Are you here?"

Max stood up quietly and debated whether to answer or slip quietly out. But Logan had already reached for a lamp and turned the switch. The room was immediately bathed in a deceptively warm, yellow glow. She saw him search for his glasses and slip them on, all the while looking all over the room for her.

At last, his eyes found her. Logan nearly wept with the sheer emotion of seeing Max again. He was immobile for a second, just taking in the fact that she was here. He scrambled out of bed and walked towards her. She still didn't move, and he briefly entertained the idea that he was just imagining her. But her eyes flickered a bit, as she raked her gaze over him.

"Hey."

He half-expected her usual reply of "Hey. Yourself," but she didn't say anything. She just looked up at him. Her face was distant and sad, her brown eyes veiled. He bit his lip, feeling a deep sadness and regret wash over him. She never used to look at him like that. He used to be able to see her soul when he looked into those dark depths. She used to _let_ him in. But now, he only saw his reflection, like looking into glass. It didn't reveal anything else, but what was on the surface.

"Max, I'm sorry…" he said brokenly, shattering the silence that had stretched between them. She looked away. "Max, can you…can you ever forgive me?"

Max's gaze flew back to his haggard face. He had suffered for what he did to her, she knew. But that didn't evoke any kind of vengeful pleasure in her. It only burst a dam of pity and regret. "Tell me, why, Logan." She said softly. "Why did you…betray me?"

Max watched as a myriad of emotions crossed his face. He floundered for an answer before shaking his head wearily. "I don't think you'd understand," he said simply.

She tightened her jaw as anger started to burn in her heart, warming her for the first time in months. It seeped into her veins and she clenched her fists. "I deserve an explanation, if nothing else."

Logan sat heavily on his bed, as if the weight of what he was about to tell her had forced him down. "I never felt like you wanted me." he said simply. "Like I was never enough."

"So, it was my fault," she seethed. But even as the anger was coursing through her, she felt a deep sense of fear. It occurred to her that the answers she was looking for were ones she might not want to know.

Logan chuckled sadly. "No. It was no more your fault than your being born." He said, looking at his palms resting with deceptive calm on his lap.

"Made in a lab, you mean," she corrected bitterly. "Was it because I wasn't normal enough?"

Logan's head shot up and his eyes met hers fiercely. "No, Max!" he cried vehemently. "It was _never_ that. It was because _I_ never felt like I was ever enough for you. That I wasn't _extraordinary_ enough for you."

"What do you mean?" she asked softly, shattered by his confession. Did she never show him how much he had meant to her? Did she not love him hard enough?

"You're special, Max. I never doubted that. But, I'm just me. An Ordinary. At the end of the day, I never felt like there was room enough for me in your life."

"I _made_ room for you!" she cried out.

Logan wiped his face wearily with the palms of his hands. He had never thought he would be having this conversation with Max. "That's just it, Max. I didn't fit into your life. You had to force me to fit into it. Or force yourself to make things work. And I felt that everyday when I was with you. I always saw the struggle—your family or me."

"You never gave me a chance, Logan."

"What happened between me and Asha—it was wrong. I know that. I knew it back then. But it made me feel…wanted." He admitted. He looked pleadingly at her. "Max, please understand that I screwed up and it never happened again. I just slipped. I'm sorry."

Max slumped against the wall. "So, Asha made you feel things that I couldn't make you feel?" she asked in a small, stunned voice. Then she raised angry eyes at him. "What exactly did she make you feel, Logan? Did she make you feel loved? Wanted? Needed?"

"Damnit, Max! _Don't do this_!"

"NO, _YOU_ did this!" she screamed. "I _loved_ you. I wanted you. I _needed_ you!"

"You say that, but I didn't feel it, Max!" he shouted back, equally frustrated. He raked a hand through his hair. "Every time I tried to be what you needed, I only felt like I was in the way. I felt like there was only so much of you that you could share with me. I felt it every time you shut some part of yourself away from me. I _felt_ it."

Max looked at him bitterly. "So, this is what you've been keeping from me the whole time. The big secret of Logan Cale." She said sarcastically. "Well, I'm sorry if there are parts of me that I didn't even want to see for myself. I'm sorry that I've never been perfect. I'm sorry that there are parts of who I am that I'm never going to be able to share." She pushed away from the wall and walked towards the door. "Most of all, Logan, I'm sorry that you never gave me the chance."

"Max, wait—"

"I'm leaving. I've got my answers."

She all but ran out of his bedroom door, slamming it behind her in his face. Then she blurred out of his apartment for the second time in her life, tears brimming in her eyes. She hopped onto her Ninja and gunned the engine. She took a deep breath and looked up at the sky.

She watched the sunrise. But as the first rays touched her, she only felt a numbing cold and a distant wish that the sun would never rise again. Then everything would always be shrouded in the darkness of night—where secrets were easily kept.

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**A/N2**: What'd you guys think? Believable? Far-fetched? Or wtf?


	4. Chapter 4

**DISCLAIMER: Dark Angel belongs to Cameron/Eglee and Fox. I'm not any of them. **

**A/N: I'm going to start off by apologizing to everyone with the confusion. I wrote this after I wrote the former chapter 4 (now chapter 5) because I realized the tone was just too off. I hadn't looked at the story and updated it in a while and while it made sense in my head, I feel like you (the readers) ought to have a better timeline. So, I wrote a new Chapter, but made it chapter 4 instead.**

**Please bear with me and the changes. I think it makes the story flow better.**

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**CHAPTER 4**

The sun was breaking through the horizon, the light from its rays sliding over the city, bringing things to life. If only it worked that way for him. Alec stood by his apartment window to watch the sunrise.

He hadn't slept all night, in fact. He had kept vigil by the window…to watch for her return. But she hadn't come home to Terminal City last night. She had spent the night _out_ _there_…with _him_. Maybe everyone was right after all. She had really gone back to Logan; they had patched things up. Maybe, she had really moved on.

She had never really wanted him. He was just the poor substitute.

It wasn't until the sky turned silver that he finally acknowledged that possibility. He swallowed painfully against the lump in his throat. So many things had happened since that fateful night on the Space Needle between him and Max.

But none of those things brought them any closer to each other. In fact, it rendered them even further apart.

He sighed heavily. He really needed to be alone today. There were some days when everything was more bearable; days when _moving on_ didn't seem so wrong. And then, there were some days when he just felt like shit.

How things had come this far, he didn't know. How things had gone so wrong, he had an inkling. How things had gotten started—well, it was all his fault. He clenched his teeth and looked over his shoulder towards his bed.

Kyra was a good X5. Unlike many of them that had turned out to be happy-go-lucky sociopaths or perennial bitches, she had actually become…well, a better person. Just that fact alone made her deserve to be with a better person than himself.

He stared at her still-sleeping form on his bed. She was the first and only girl who had ever slept in his bed with him. _It should have been Max. _He gritted his teeth as the thought snaked its way into his consciousness. He shook his head angrily and stared back out the window. Each time he saw Kyra sprawled on his bed, he couldn't stop the sense of guilt that accompanied it. He couldn't decide if he felt guilty because he was betraying Max, or because he was betraying himself.

He had been sleeping with Kyra for almost three weeks now. He had never expected it to last this long. But somehow they fell into a routine, and he fell into his need for comfort. Because if Max didn't want him…at least someone else did.

Alec smiled self-deprecatingly at his reflection on the window. He really was the asshole that Max kept on accusing him of being.

_Three weeks ago:_

"_494. But it's Alec now, right?"_

_Alec turned to look at the speaker, a drink hanging carelessly from the tips of his fingers. He gave the speaker, a beautiful X5, a speculative look, his head tilted just a little bit. _

_She smiled at him. "Kyra," she said, introducing herself. She slid onto the stool next to him at the bar. They were in a joint across town from Terminal City. "Barkeep, can I have a cosmo."_

_His brow went up at her choice of drink. She noticed the slight movement and smiled openly at him. "What? You think I came all the way down here just to get a beer?"_

_**Max would have.** He thought automatically. He mentally shook the thought away and forced his attention to Kyra. He shrugged. "I didn't say anything."_

"_You didn't have to. I can sense it." She quipped._

"_Really?" **Liar. He only ever let his guard down around Max. ** He sounded indifferent, almost dismissive._

_The bartender slid Kyra's drink in front of her and she handed him a couple of bills. She waived away the change and regarded Alec with her full attention. She looked at his profile. Admired it, actually. Manticore made beautiful X5's there was no doubt about that. But there were a few that really stood out, and X5-494 was one of them._

_Alec pretended not to notice her looking intently at him. He focused on the amber liquid swirling in his glass. He took a sip and felt the drink burn a warm path inside of him. He could still feel her bold appraisal of him. Finally, he couldn't take it anymore. He sighed and turned to face her, a small line of irritation creased the skin between his brows. "Is there anything you needed from me?" he asked abruptly._

_Kyra was undeterred by his tone. She had met her share of woeful, moody X's. This one certainly didn't intimidate her. In fact, his very moodiness was a source of attraction. He wore it well. It lent an air of pain that made her just want to soothe it away. "Is there anything I can get?" she asked smoothly, though her tone was low._

_Alec blinked quickly. She was forward. Didn't play around. Not hard to get. **Not like Max.** The unbidden thought crept at him again. He wanted to beat his head against the bar, but instead he forced himself to pay even closer attention to Kyra. He chuckled "Depends on what you're needing,"_

_Kyra laughed. It was a low, throaty, very seductive laugh._

_**Max laughs like a kid. It's rare, but it's real.** Alec looked away quickly and took a sip of his drink to mask his displeasure. It wasn't Kyra he was annoyed with, but himself. Him and his thoughts of Max that just wouldn't go away._

_Kyra laid a hand on his arm. "I think I know exactly what I need. Question is, Alec, do you?"_

_Alec eyed the pretty hand on his sleeve. It was warm and held him with a light, gentle grip. **Max grabs on like she needs me…** the thought had him sucking in a deep breath as memories of Max's hands rushed through him. _

_Kyra interpreted that as his response to her._

_He let her think that. He had to get rid of Max somehow, because quite frankly, Max didn't want him. He looked into Kyra's blue eyes—as far away a color as Max's brown ones—and smiled seductively at her. Kyra would help him get rid of Max…_

Now, there was no doubt in Alec's mind that he was just using her. At first, he had really tried to make things work between them, because obviously, Kyra had wanted more. He had thought he wanted the same thing. Hadn't he tried to push for that elusive 'something more' with Max before?

But he didn't find himself wanting to be around Kyra all day, if only to fight with her. He didn't find himself wanting to pause in the middle of the day to give her a massage. He didn't even look up whenever she walked into a room.

It was _wrong_. And somehow, he had to deal with it. He grabbed his jacket and quickly wrote her a note that he would be gone all day. Then Alec slipped out of his apartment in TC and sought refuge in the only other place he could think of.

His old apartment.

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Max drove around aimlessly the whole day, letting her tears just flow until there were none left. When she finally stopped, she realized that darkness had fallen and she was in front of Alec's old apartment. She knew that he still kept it, despite having his own place in TC. She also knew that this was the only place she had to go. She couldn't bear to walk through TC tonight, where heightened Transgenic senses all around could easily pick-up her distress. And OC was just one more person she didn't want prying into her life, especially when it was falling apart.

She kept replaying the scene with Logan over and over in her head. She kept hearing his words, kept reliving that moment when she had walked in on Logan and Asha…she had loved Logan so much, but even her love hadn't been enough.

She had let herself be vulnerable for once…and it had backfired completely. Fresh tears started to gather in her eyes and she fought them. She just needed this time to herself. She crept up to Alec's old apartment and picked the lock.

Alec's ears pricked at the sound of his doorknob rattling. _What the hell?_ he thought, annoyed. He knew he should have spent more time in this place. He presumed some wannabe-thugs had figured no one was staying in the apartment anymore. Figured it was prime for the picking.

Alec smiled in a predatory way. They would be getting an unexpected surprise tonight. He crept closer to the door, his steps quiet and measured. He didn't want to alert them to anything.

Suddenly, the door was flung open and Alec lunged at the burglar. He grabbed the culprit and slammed him against the wall next to the door.

Except the culprit had big, tear-filled brown eyes that didn't even flare up when he attacked her. She seemed resigned and defeated. So _unlike_ Max. But with his body pressed this close to her and his face right over hers, there was no mistaking that he had Max pinned against the wall.

"Max, what the hell are you doing here?" he asked, his voice sharp with worry.

Max just shrugged heavily. "I'll leave then," she said flatly. "Didn't know you were gonna be here."

But Alec didn't let her go. He kept her pinned against the wall. "Max, what happened?" he asked. "Did something happen in TC?"

"No. TC's fine. I haven't heard anything."

"Then, what's wrong?"

Her eyes finally flared up and she pushed at him. "It's none of your damn business, Alec!" she snapped. He stepped back warily, but was glad that Max was, in one form or another, being herself again.

"Hey, I was just asking," he drawled. "You're the one who broke in."

She glared at him. "And I said I was leaving," she bit out. "You're the one who was getting all touchy feely there."

"You didn't exactly seem to mind," he commented cockily. "Guess Logan must be slippin' up."

At the mention of Logan's name, Max stiffened and turned away from him. She had let everyone believe that she and Logan had reconciled; she hadn't even had to say anything, people just assumed. It had been so much easier than explaining the truth. Because the truth inevitably led to moments like now.

_Ah-ha!_ Alec thought with a grimace. It was Logan _again_. It was always Logan when it came to Max. The girl could roll with all kinds of punches, could hit the ground running, and could kick ass with the best of 'em, but when it came to Logan…Max just became a mess.

And far be it from Alec to ask himself why, but he couldn't stand to see Max a mess. "Tell me," he prompted, his voice gentling, offering her his ear. And maybe even a shoulder to cry on.

She looked at him sideways, her eyes narrowing. "I said it's none of your goddamned business!" She tried to sidestep him and leave, but he blocked her. She glared at him and tried to push. Even with her transgenic strength, she couldn't make him budge if he didn't want to be budged.

He could see her start to clench her fist, felt her shift her weight to the balls of her feet. Ready to attack him. "Max, we could do it that way," he said levelly, his eyes narrowing in warning, "or we could talk about it like civilized people."

She snarled at him, but didn't attack.

"I personally prefer the less painful one," he drawled, although he didn't really know whether verbal blows were any less painful than real ones. But at least those bruises he could hide. "Now, why were you crying?"

"I wasn't," she answered quickly.

"Liar," he whispered. He could still see the stains on her face where her tears had trailed down. He could smell it. And if he leaned just a little bit closer and rested his lips on her cheek, he would taste them…

She narrowed her eyes at him angrily. "I don't need you or anyone else to feel sorry for me!" she snapped. "Besides, why do you care? It's not like you're gonna get anything out of it."

Alec compressed his lips angrily. "Y'know, most people would just appreciate the fact that someone _does_ care. But no, Max, you just have to make it so hard for anyone to do that for you, don't you?" he tore out, his voice scathing.

She gasped and looked at him like he'd just slapped her. Fresh tears accumulated in her eyes, then she pushed him away from her with all her strength. This time, Alec fell sprawled on the ground, looking up at her in astonishment. "Max?" he asked.

She just stared down at him, eyes still swimming in tears, but her face cold. "Maybe you're right. Logan was right. Hell, even _Darren_ was right. Maybe everyone was right all along." She whispered cryptically, before spinning around to walk out of his apartment.

Alec rolled up and stuck his legs out in a scissor kick motion, pulling Max down onto the ground. She fell with an "oomph", her arms springing forward just in time to catch her fall. "What the hell do you think you're doing, Alec?" she cried, rolling around so she was lying on her back.

He was leaning up on his elbows on the ground facing her, their legs still tangled. "I didn't think we were done with our conversation." He said nonchalantly. He was looking very relaxed sprawled on the ground, as if he had intended to be there all along. But his eyes glinted purposefully.

Max tried to untangle her legs from his, but he kept on outmaneuvering her. "Stop it, Alec!" she cried, a little desperately. Her frustration at not being able to leave added on to the revelations from Logan, as well as Alec's accusation was almost too much to bear. Her voice broke. "Just let me go…Let. Me. Go."

Alec clenched his teeth so hard that a muscle started to tick in his cheek. He didn't say anything, just stared at Max's stricken face. She tried to hide behind a curtain of hair, but he could still see a near-bottomless despair in her brown eyes.

He could see it in her eyes. He could feel it in the tension of her body, as if she were holding on very tightly to her emotions, but the strings were already too taut. He could hear it in her ragged breaths as she fought to keep the tears inside. But she wouldn't share this pain with him.

It was just one more set of secrets in between them, setting them apart. Each day, they drifted further away from each other, and he didn't know what else to do…

But let her go.

He raised his legs and released her. Immediately, she scrambled up and made for the door. She glanced back once, over her shoulder. "Goodbye," she whispered.

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**A/N2: Chapter five was the former chapter four. You can re-read it if you like and see if it makes the story worse or better. I'd appreciate reviews since…heck, obviously I'm confused.**


	5. Chapter 5: formerly Chapter 4

**DISCLAIMER: Dark Angel isn't mine. It's just somebody else's toy that I'm playing with.**

**A/N: For those who have read this fic before, this used to be Chapter 4 before I slipped in the other one. There are a few word changes and additions, but the gist is still the same if you don't want to re-read it. Thank you for your patience. **

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**CHAPTER FIVE**

_**Two weeks later:**_

Max shut the medicine cabinet with a loud click and found herself face to face with her reflection. She was a sight. Her hair was matted to her face, her skin was pale and splotchy, and she was covered with a fine sheen of sweat.

She shut her eyes. This was not good at all. She leaned her hot forehead against the cool glass of the mirror, feeling the slight sense of relief as coolness conducted itself over to her heated skin for a second. But just as quickly as the relief came, she was again doubled over the sink heaving.

She groaned, knowing exactly what three straight days of throwing up in the mornings meant. She knew exactly where her lethargy and headaches were coming from. Her hormones were completely out of whack.

She was pregnant.

With _Alec's_ child.

She groaned again. This time because of how twisted the situation was. Alec was already moving on with Kyra, another X5. She had no business butting into their lives. Why had it taken her so long to notice the symptoms?

By her calculations, she had not conceived during her heat, but sometime after. Towards the end of her—_thing_—with Alec. If that were true, then she was almost ten weeks pregnant.

She bit the insides of her cheek as she tried to stop the nausea that was once again claiming her. She took several deep breaths to calm herself and her stomach. Why couldn't she have been one of the lucky ones who never had morning sickness? She looked at herself in the mirror again. _Not-so-perfect DNA after all, _she thought with little amusement.

Max spent the rest of the day closeted in her apartment in TC. It wasn't so much the nausea and the vomiting that kept her in all day, as the ordeal of having to see Alec. Of having to see Alec and Kyra together.

She sat on her couch staring glumly into space, her hand resting subconsciously over her abdomen. Her eyes fell to her hand, caressing her belly protectively. She hadn't thought she was the mothering type—but as soon as she acknowledged her pregnancy, she just knew that she already cared for her baby.

Abortion wasn't a choice for her. She just couldn't do it. She tried to tell herself that it had nothing to do with the fact that Alec was the father. But deep inside, she knew it had _everything_ to do with Alec.

She'd had abortions before.

Two, in fact. Both of them were heat-induced results. Neither of them had even been considered as a "baby". Some nights, she wondered briefly about them. But mostly, she knew that she had made the right decisions.

Now…She swallowed past the lump in her throat. She just couldn't do it. Because as much as she hated to admit it, she did care about Alec a lot more than she had ever thought she would. And she had lost him because she couldn't trust herself to love again.

She couldn't be hurt like that again. She couldn't love like that again. That's why she had forced herself to…_accept_…that he had moved on. Because at least, Kyra _could_ love him.

But, that didn't mean that she wouldn't keep this little part of him. That left her with two choices:

Tell Alec.

Not tell Alec.

She sat there the rest of the night, weighing her choices against each other, contemplating her decision. Finally, just at the break of dawn, she knew what she had to do. She stood up and looked out the window. She stared out onto the Seattle skyline as it turned a beautiful shade of silver. _A silver lining_, she thought, one side of her mouth lifting into a tired smile. It made her feel like she had made the right decision.

In a second that silver lining was gone, everything turning golden as she watched the sunrise.

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Alec stared out his window, on the same street, only a few yards away from where Max was. He, too, was watching the sunrise, but no small smile touched his lips. Instead, the golden rays of the sun lighted upon a frown on his handsome face.

"Alec?" asked Kyra, padding softly behind him and wrapping her arms around his waist. "Are you all right?" she whispered against his ear as she rested her blond head on the back of his shoulder.

He turned his head to smile slightly at her. "Yeah, of course," he lied automatically. "I'm always alright."

She smiled. "Good. I'm gonna go ahead and take a shower," she said, pulling away from him. "Care to join me?" she asked, cocking a brow playfully and extending her arm gracefully to pull him along.

Alec kept his face calm and relaxed as he smiled at her. "Not today, Kyra," he excused himself. "I've got something to check-up on in HQ first." He hoped that his Manticore training in being economical with the truth was paying off. Kyra was Manticore, too, and she could catch a lie quicker than most Ordinaries could. At the moment, he couldn't tell.

She smiled tightly at him and nodded. "Sure."

Alec released a slow sigh of relief as she shut the bathroom door behind her with a soft click. He didn't move from his spot by the window until he heard her turn the water on. Then with a last glance at the rising sun, he walked over to HQ.

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Alec stalked down Oak Street, and glanced up quickly towards Max's apartment window. He didn't know what he expected to find, but he did it anyway. He'd done the same thing everyday since they had ended things in the Space Needle. Even after the strange emotional scene in his apartment.

He bit his lip in concern, almost turning around and checking in on her. She'd been sick for three days—today being the fourth. He was worried as hell about her. But he knew that he didn't have the right to take care of her. If he went up there, it just wouldn't be welcome, and he would just be setting himself up for some heartache.

Because everyday it was getting clearer and clearer that he still loved Max, and she still didn't want him.

He sighed heavily at the thought, and continued on his way to HQ. He should really end things with Kyra before it became too serious. It was almost unbearable, lying to her every morning, pretending that it was her he wanted to wake up to each day. In fact, he had gotten used to waking before her, and standing by the window to watch the sunrise.

It was ironic, because Max used to do the same thing to him every day.

He should never have been with Kyra in the first place. But she had caught him in a moment of weakness. She was Max's polar opposite in looks and temperament from the start. He had had this insane theory that it would cure him of Max.

It had only done the opposite.

He groaned, knowing that he couldn't continue to use her. Besides, he knew that she was starting to realize that he wasn't quite invested in their "relationship".

"Mole!" called Alec, as soon as he was in HQ.

The lizard-man transgenic was cleaning a sawed-off shotgun in a corner, a cigar hanging precariously on his lips. "Yeah?" he replied without looking up from what he was doing.

"Is Max around?"

"Nope. And stop fidgeting so much, Princess. We all know Queen Bee hasn't shown up here in the last three days because she's been sick."

Alec stood directly in front of Mole, forcing the transgenic to look up at him. "Have you ever heard of a transgenic being this sick for four days?" he demanded sarcastically.

Mole just shrugged. "Maybe she's got more runes comin' out all over her face and she's shy," he drawled, his cigar bobbing up and down in his mouth.

"Mole!" he said dangerously.

Mole just glared at Alec. "I don't know about you X5's and your physiology, okay. Not much interest in it." He shrugged. "Why're you so worried anyway? She's talking to Joshua through her door everyday, so she's alive."

"Who says I'm worried?" asked Alec flippantly. "She's been slacking off on her share of the responsibilities. And guess who's gotta pick up after her?"

"Me?" asked the lizard, smiling amusedly, his yellowed teeth flashing at Alec.

Alec snorted inelegantly. "Exactly. And you don't like it, do you?" he quipped.

Mole narrowed his eyes at Alec, seeing through the joking exterior and reading the real concern in his eyes. "Look, Princess, if you're so concerned, you should go ask dog-boy about our little Maxie. He's the only one she talks to these days."

Alec knew there was truth in Moles statement, but he didn't appreciate being read so thoroughly. So he just smirked and shrugged. "And here I thought you knew everything that went around here in TC."

Mole gave him a strange piercing look. "I do. I'm just not telling," he said indolently. "It's more fun that way."

Alec looked at him with a small frown, but shook it away. "Whatever. Look, I'm gonna talk to Joshua later. Where are those blueprints that Dix downloaded last night?" he asked, hoping for the distraction and to throw Mole off his scent.

Mole nodded to a cluttered table, and Alec headed towards it, appearing nonchalant about the whole Max situation.

Alec was busy formulating a break-in plan in his head when a hand gripped his shoulder. "So, what happened between you and sweetheart over there?" asked Mole gruffly, appearing over Alec's shoulder a few minutes later.

Alec looked at the lizard-man from the corner of his eye, not raising his head from the blueprints they were studying for tomorrow's heist. "What do you mean?" he asked neutrally.

"Things aren't working out, huh?" asked Mole, patting Alec on the back a little harder than was necessary.

Alec smiled humorlessly as he took the heavy petting from his friend. "No, I guess they aren't," he said with a shrug, finally raising his head to look at Kyra who had breezed into HQ earlier. He hadn't even noticed that she had arrived. It was pathetic.

Alec felt that pang of regret in his heart. _Why couldn't he just love her?_ Kyra was great. She was talented, having excelled in electrical engineering and computer science in Manticore, and she was sweet—always smiling and kind. She was a fantastic lover in bed, considerate and responsive. She was everything he was supposed to look for in a mate. But he just couldn't find her attractive past the basal level.

Because she wasn't quite talented at breaking and entering. Because she was too sweet. Because she didn't challenge him every step of the way and keep him on his toes. Because she didn't demand more of him and push him over the edge when they had sex. Because she just wasn't Max.

Alec returned his attention to the blue prints, committing the diagrams to his eidetic memory. He wrinkled his nose as Mole impolitely blew a heavy puff of smoke in his face. "Mole, they weren't kidding when they said second-hand smoke kills, y'know. Better blow somewhere else or I'll show you just _how_ it kills." He said, eyeing the transhuman in slight annoyance.

"Yeah, right, Princess. You couldn't touch a scale on my body if you wanted to."

Alec cocked a brow and smirked at Mole. "Is that a challenge?" he asked, not-quite-sarcastically.

"You're just itching for some action aren't you? Something to release all that pent-up tension?" taunted the lizard.

Alec narrowed his eyes at Mole, but the lizard-man just walked away with a grin. "I know _everything_, Alec." he taunted.

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"Joshua, you have to promise me," begged Max, her large brown eyes glistening with tears. It was another one of those damned hormonal imbalances that her pregnancy brought on.

"But, Little Fella, we need you here," said Joshua, scratching his shaggy dark hair in utter confusion. "Outside of TC is not safe for you."

"I'll be _fine_, Josh." She enunciated. She walked over to him and laid a gentle hand on his arm. His slightly leathery skin was covered with tiny splatters of paint and grease. "I can't stay here right now." she whispered.

Her gesture brought her in very close proximity to Joshua, who was suddenly frantically sniffing the air. He glanced down at her, his blue eyes alarmed. "Something…different about Little Fella," he said, almost accusingly. He shook his head and sniffed her again. Max stood still, knowing there was nowhere to hide. "Not sick like you said…but…"

Max could only nod. "I am." she said simply, stating a fact.

"Logan?" asked Joshua. "You are going to live outside with Logan? Terminal City not good for Logan and Max baby?"

Max shook her head emphatically. "Not Logan anymore, Big Fella. Hasn't been Logan in a long time."

Joshua regarded her keenly for a moment. "Alec." he stated clearly. "Alec is father of Baby Fella." Then he smiled widely, genuinely happy.

The only outward sign of alarm from Max was a small tightening of the corded muscles of her throat. She hoped that Joshua was too excited to notice. She hated lying, but that didn't mean that she wasn't good at it. Years of hiding who she was had helped her perfect the craft. "Not Alec, Joshua. Okay? Not Alec." she said softly, convincingly.

She squeezed his arm gently. "Alec is…happy with Kyra." She whispered. "Not Alec, do you understand?"

Joshua nodded. "Little Fella will not tell me who?"

Max just smiled sadly at her friend and shook her head. "Let's just say that Little Fella made a big mistake, okay Big Fella?" she said. Then she laid her other hand gently on his chest. "Now, promise me you won't tell anyone where I went. And you will call me _only_ if there's an emergency."

Joshua hesitated.

"Joshua, please," she whispered urgently. "I have to leave and no one can know. It's the only way to keep my baby safe." It was a half-truth, she knew. But it was the one thing that would cause Joshua to capitulate. She knew that he would never let any harm come to her and her baby. It was a sneaky tactic, but one that would work.

Finally, he nodded. "Secret," he agreed. "Promise to keep secret to make Baby Fella safe."

Max hugged him. "Thank you," she said, relieved. In all of Terminal City, Joshua was the only person that she could trust with something this big. Alec would have been first on her list a long time ago, but that just wasn't the case now.

She felt Joshua's large hands go around her in a reassuring hug. "Joshua will miss Little Fella."

"Don't worry, Big Fella," she promised. "I'll come back when the time is right."

Joshua nodded and let her go. "Tell nobody. Not even Alec?"

"Especially not Alec." she confirmed. But when she saw the look of suspicion on his face, she hastily added, "He won't understand why I have to go away. He'll think I should stay in TC. But I'm too well-known here. I won't be safe."

"Okay."

"Okay,"

"Where is Little Fella going?" he asked.

"To a farm."

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**A/N2: Well…like I promised, more complications in the way of our favorite transgenics. And this chapter was in no way a political commentary on abortion. I just thought it would be in Max's character to be able to do something like that, especially in season 1, when mostly she cared about herself and staying under Lydecker's radar. Thanks! **


	6. Chapter 6

**DISCLAIMER: Dark Angel isn't mine.**

**A/N: I know it's been months since I've updated this fic. In fact, it was a struggle to move it forward. I hope it's still good. If not…sigh. This fic just might have to go into the burner…and make a liar out of me.**

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**CHAPTER SIX**

Max stared at the house in front of her, watching the sun rise slowly behind it. It was two-story, sky blue and white shingled, with a large wrap-around porch. The sun slowly bathed the house with a yellow-white glow, making it look almost ethereal, like it was only part of a hazy dream.

The moment passed quickly, as the sun shifted over the horizon. It was no longer a glowing entity, but solid and real. It looked so…cheerful, and homey…and _normal_. Max could hardly believe that this was where Zack, of all people, lived. But she had passed under the arched sign: "X Ranch" a couple of miles down the dirt road. There was no mistaking this was Zack's farm.

"Way to lay low," she muttered, considering what her brother had named the ranch. However, it seemed like an acceptable-enough name. She had passed several other ranches and farms on her way here. One had been called the 'K Corral', another one was 'JJ Farms'. _Apparently, letter names were the way to go_, she thought humorously to herself.

But her attempt at lightening her heavy mood didn't help.

She just sat there, still straddling her motorcycle, hair and face hidden behind her heavily tinted motorcycle helmet. She tried to breathe evenly, to calm her nerves, as she contemplated seeing Zack again.

She was somewhere in the middle of the plains of Texas now. Further away from the center of where the Pulse had hit, a place where there was more order, maybe even more peace. She was glad that Texas was such a big, lonely state. She wanted to get lost, and where better than in the vastness of the Lone Star State?

The drive had been long and arduous. She had pushed her shark DNA to the limit. But her pregnancy had still slowed her down enough that it had taken her almost a whole week to get here. She laid a gentle hand over her abdomen. There was already a slight bump there, not noticeable at all except by the slight pull on the button of her jeans.

_Would Zack notice?_ _Would he care? _She wondered, and her hand cupped even more protectively around her unborn child. She realized that in running away from Alec, she hadn't even considered how she would feel facing Zack again. Or in fact, how Zack would feel about seeing her again. All she could think of was to put as much distance between her and Seattle. Between her life in the past, and her future.

But now that she was here, staring up at his cheerful house, she suddenly felt uncertain. What if Zack didn't take her in? Where else could she go to keep her baby safe? She swallowed past her fear and pride. Zack would look at her with disappointment—just like the one he had given her when he had recovered his memories and he found out just how she had betrayed him.

Max closed her eyes in shame. All that she had ever done to Zack was hurt him. First for Logan. Now for Alec. Her throat constricted painfully, and she placed both her hands on the handlebars of her bike, gripping them tightly.

Maybe she couldn't do this after all.

She started to guide her bike around, to leave. But just as she gunned the engine, she heard a sardonic voice from behind, "You didn't come here just to practice running away, did you?" asked Zack dryly, leaning against the doorframe just behind a screen door that obscured him from clear view.

Max paused, her heart hammering in her chest. Without turning around, she grabbed her helmet off her head, and shook her long, dark hair free. She looked at him over her shoulder, her motorcycle still idling. "I wasn't practicing," she called back.

"Stay, Max." He pushed open the screen and walked out into the early morning light. He looked different from the last time she had seen him. More relaxed, maybe, or that his face no longer held the scars of what Manticore had done to him. He had a worn-out jean jacket over a blue plaid shirt. His jeans were relaxed and ripped, frayed at the edges. The hands resting on his hips were covered by heavy work gloves. His golden hair hung over each brown eyebrow, his blue eyes were soft, and there was a small smile on his sculpted lips. In fact, like everything around him, he looked almost normal.

For some reason, that was the last straw for Max. She turned her face away from him and looked at the long dusty road that stretched in front of her: the way out. Tears started to form in her eyes and she blinked them away quickly, angry with her pregnancy hormones for making her so susceptible to them. She couldn't even tell why she was crying. She just knew that her heart was squeezing painfully at the idea of normalcy.

Because _she_ had been so close to normal not too long ago.

And now, her life was just so messy and complicated. All she had ever wanted was normal. How did everything go so wrong? Logan had cheated on her because she hadn't known how to love him the way he wanted her to. She was now having Alec's baby and he was with someone else because she had been too scared to love him the way he wanted her to. And now, Zack…she had once betrayed him because she couldn't love him the way he wanted her to, either.

She quickly rubbed away the handful of tears that had spilled onto her cheeks before taking a deep breath and jamming her helmet back on. She kicked the stand back with her heel and prepared to ride off, but Zack blurred and stood right in front of her Ninja, his hand outstretched to stop her.

"Zack, I can't stay," she said through her helmet, glad that he couldn't really see her tear stained cheeks. "I made a mistake coming here."

"There was a good reason you came all the way over here, Max," he pointed out stubbornly. "I'm not letting you go 'til you tell me what it is."

"I don't feel much like talking." She replied with equal stubbornness. She revved the engine and it roared out a warning to Zack. But he held his ground. "Zack, move. You can't stop me."

Zack's eyes suddenly glinted like blue steel, and the façade of normalcy melted off his face, as he once again looked like the dangerous soldier he still was. "Try me." he said, tilting his head like a challenge. She noticed how he shifted his balance to the balls of his feet, and his body tightened like a coiled spring.

Max smiled at the familiarity of the stance. She took comfort in the fact that Zack wasn't normal after all. He was still Zack. Her CO, her protector, her Big Brother. She had come here for a reason: to look to him for guidance…even for just a moment so that she could feel safe again, like she used to when they were kids.

"Don't kick up a fuss," she muttered, and turned off the engine. "I'm staying…but only for a while."

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Zack's farm was a small haven for a handful of Transgenics, around twenty, according to Zack's last message. Most of them were from the Wyoming base, 'nomlies, and a few X's. It was also home base for her remaining siblings: Krit, Syl, Jondy, and Zane. They came through, in and out, sometimes helping out by bringing supplies. Other times, just crashing for a day or two before moving on with their lives.

Max was proud of this secret haven Zack had set up. As far as she knew, she was the only one in TC who even knew of it. They knew about him, of course, but they figured he was back to his old tricks of keeping an eye out for his family. Which was true, only he did it a little differently now.

"This is…cozy," she said, as he led her to a small bedroom, painted a nice lemon yellow. It was the last color she had ever pegged Zack as choosing for any room in the house.

He snorted as if reading her thoughts. "Came this way when I bought the place," he replied by way of explanation.

"Well, it's nice," she reassured him. Yellow wasn't a color she would have normally picked for herself either, but then again, she was looking for a change. Change could be good.

He leaned on the doorframe, casually crossing his arms over his chest and regarded her with a questioning gaze. Max tossed her small saddle bag onto the bed and looked everywhere but at Zack. But the thing was, he could be patient. He could stand there all day and look at her, not saying a word, just waiting until she cracked. He'd always been good at this game.

She sighed heavily, "Don't you have, like, cows to milk?"

"Nope."

"Horses to feed?"

"Nuh-uh."

"Breakfast to cook?"

"Made."

She gave up, and just ignored him, unpacking her toothbrush, and a change of clothes. Zack waited, not making any sound. Finally, she sighed and turned to look at him. "I need a place to stay for a while, okay."

His stance shifted and he leaned forward a little bit more, listening.

"I…" she sighed and ran a hand through her hair. Why was it that Zack always made her feel like a child again? Normally, she would bristle at the way he treated her like she couldn't take care of herself. She would go out of her way to show him how tough she really was, but not this time. This time, she really did need her big brother. "I'm pregnant."

His eyebrows shot up, like that was the last thing he had expected to hear from her. "Are congratulations in order, or are condolences?" he breathed slowly, his voice and words measured. He smirked wryly.

She narrowed her eyes at him, her hand reflexively coming to rest on her belly. "What are you implying?"

He regarded her with a straightforward gaze. "I'm sure you've considered all your options."

Max sagged against the wall and looked away from him. She couldn't look Zack in the eye. In a way, it hurt to know that he would automatically presume that she had already considered abortion. As if reading her thoughts, Zack strode into the room, cautiously approaching her. "Maxie, it's not that I think you would just…get rid of…your child," he said softly. He came very close but didn't touch her. "It's just that I know…you're never afraid of making the tough calls."

Her eyes sought his, relieved that he didn't think she was some kind of monster inside. After all that she'd done to him, to think he could still believe the best in her, it was all too much for Max. She bent her head and let tears of relief slide down her cheeks. She still had a family, after all. Still had a place to run to.

"I'm keeping the baby," she whispered softly.

He nodded slowly, and patted her awkwardly on the shoulder. She watched as he struggled to say something, finally giving up and simply pulled her into a hug. Max returned the hug with all her might, taking in all the comfort that he could give her. It had been so long since anyone had just held her. Or that she had let herself be held. And she didn't think she needed his approval anymore, but apparently she still did. It felt good knowing that he was accepting her decision—especially since she was having a hard time accepting it herself.

She smiled against his shoulder, leaning her cheek on the broad surface. Zack was the best hugger. He gave large, comforting bear hugs—seemingly so out-of-character for his stoic CO façade—but the simple truth was, Zack _cared._ She thought back through all those times they had shared hugs of comfort like these, to the way Zack had held and comforted a distraught Tinga, to how he had cradled Brin, weak from Progeria, so carefully in his arms, to the way his whole demeanor softened whenever Syl and Krit came into the room. Max felt safe coming here; Zack always took care of his small family.

Finally he released her and she smiled at him, a small sparkle returning to her eyes. "Thanks. I needed that."

He smiled sheepishly, the way he always did after a show of affection. He cleared his throat, and his eyes looked at the wall just over her head. "I'm assuming you came here for…safety reasons. Away from the media, and from whatever is left of the Cult,"

She nodded. Definitely two of the factors for running here.

"…so…am I supposed to expect Logan to come along driving that dumb car of his some time soon?" he asked, almost choking on the words. "I mean…I didn't even think it was possible considering you're X5 and he's…not."

Max chuckled ruefully, the kind of small laughter that escaped when she didn't know how else to respond to a question. She looked sadly at him and shook her head. "It's not Logan's."

He gaped at her, and she continued with her explanation. "Logan and I…we broke up almost six months ago. We're over. For good."

Zack looked like she had punched him in the gut for a moment. She understood his confusion. After everything she and Logan had been through, ending things with him had seemed like an impossibility. But, apparently, there were some things that they just couldn't work through—some things that no relationship could ever work through without being a sham of what it used to be. "Logan and I…there's nothing left there."

He sighed heavily and ran a hand through his hair. "Who?" he asked abruptly.

Max contemplated whether to tell him or not. "Does it matter?"

"Depends." He said softly. "Does _he _matter?"

Max swallowed and this time, it was her turn to look away from his piercing blue eyes. It was like he was trying to see into her soul. She wasn't ready to answer that question—at least, not the kind of definitive answer he was asking for. "I care about him enough," she finally replied.

He cocked a brow at that answer but shrugged. "Will he be coming?

At that question, Max literally felt her heart ache, constricting so tightly that she lost her breath. "_No_," she whispered brokenly, Alec's face flashing through her mind. "No, he's not."

Zack sucked in a deep breath with a hiss, looking angry. "Why the hell not?"

Max knew that he was furious for her. Not _at_ her, but _for_ her. He looked like he was ready to pick a fight with the unknown father of her child. She laid a calming hand on his arm, and smiled sadly. "Because he doesn't know. And he'll never know. Okay? He's…he's got someone else."

He narrowed his eyes at her dangerously, giving her a look of disapproval that only Zack could give. Big Brother wasn't happy with what she had just said. She smirked, knowing what he was thinking. "It's not like that. We ended things a while back, but I didn't know I was pregnant. But he's with someone else now. I can't…can't just drop a bomb on their relationship."

He looked mutinously at her, a look that said _she_ _should have_. "He deserves to know."

"He deserves to be happy. This is not it. _I'm_ not it." She replied tersely.

He shrugged at her. "Looks like you care about him."

"I said so, didn't I?"

"A lot." He pointed out.

Max looked away from him and fought the rage of emotions inside of her. So what if she did? She and Alec were over. They had their chance, and now it was just a thing of the past. She couldn't ask him to give up something that made him happy. And she knew that she wouldn't make him happy. Their past was a clear sign of that. She cared about him, sure. But she would never be able to love him. She couldn't trust anyone enough to love the way she loved Logan again. There would always be doubt in the air, always suspicion, always mistrust. And in the end, it would never be fair to either of them.

Finally, she raised her eyes to Zack, letting him see the naked pain she felt. "_Please_, Zack," she whispered. "It's just better this way." Then she turned away from him, and sat heavily on the bed. She watched as he nodded and started to leave.

"I'll be around if you need me," he sighed heavily.

"Thanks," she replied. "For everything."

He nodded and left her room, closing the door silently behind him. Max heaved a huge sigh of relief and lay her tired body down on the bed. She linked her hands under her head and stared at the ceiling. She stared at the non-existent pattern of small cracks for hours. She couldn't sleep, but her body was numb; she couldn't shut off her mind, but her thoughts were incoherent.

The rest of the day passed, and she still didn't move. She felt frozen and broken. Relieved and terrified. Frozen because she knew that her heart had encased itself in ice, never wanting to feel again; broken because it had never been repaired. Relieved because she finally felt safe; terrified because life was never going to be the same again.

Finally, the hot rays of the setting sun touched her cheek, and she turned her head to look out the window, feeling the warmth heat her face. She smiled her first real smile in a long time, and laid a hand over her baby. Life was never going to be the same again, but at least there was life—and tomorrow was a brand new day.

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**A/N2: Thanks! Tell me if I went right or wrong somewhere because it has been a while since I touched this story. I'm planning on making the next chapter more Alec-centric, just like this one was Max-centric. I hope it wasn't too disappointing. **


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: Dark Angel does not belong to me. Cameron/Eglee came up with it. Beat me to it. Darn.**

**Author's Note: Well, here's the next chapter. It was really, really hard to write. This was the reason I couldn't move forward with the story, but I knew that I had to get over this hump somehow, so I just pushed and barreled past it. I hope you guys like it. Thanks for all the support. I really, really, appreciate it.**

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**CHAPTER 7**

Alec's eyes opened slowly, almost reluctantly. He took a deep breath, cool air filling his lungs. He glanced over towards the sleeping figure next to him and felt a twinge of regret. She was sleeping on her side, her back to him, cold space between them. It had been like that for a long time now.

Shaking away the last vestiges of sleep, he threw the covers off his body. The cool air immediately robbed his clothes of the lingering warmth of his sleep. He lifted his white shirt slightly and scratched his stomach absent-mindedly. He rubbed the cobwebs of sleep from his eyes as he padded quietly to the window. Leaning on the wall, he stared out and prepared to watch the sunrise.

Today, the skies were heavy, downcast. But there were feeble rays of sunlight that filtered through. The dark of night slowly faded to a murky, colorless gray.

Alec smirked. The day matched his mood already. Clouded and colorless. Confused. Downcast. Just like how he felt—how he had been feeling everyday since he found out that Max had left Terminal City.

When Joshua had brought the news to HQ four weeks ago, Alec had known without a doubt that Max had left a long time before he even told them. He had been making far too many excuses for her absence, until finally he just said that Max was not going to come back. At least not until she said she was "ready."

Alec had been _furious_. Of the hundreds of transgenics in Terminal City, none of them had even suspected that Max would leave them. Just like that. At first, there were murmurs of betrayal, whispers of how she was just an '09er doing what she did best. But then, one day, her voice had gone through the static of Dix's comms, and the murmurs and whispers quieted.

But Alec's fury had nothing to do with the fact that she was supposedly bailing on their cause. Terminal City was an accepted, established sector in the city of Seattle. There was little trouble from the outside after all the negotiations and laws that have been designed to protect them.

No, Alec was angry because she was bailing on him. _She had left him_. Without a second's thought, without a hint of a goodbye. Gone.

_What did you expect?_ He asked himself ruthlessly. His face crumpled momentarily as he fought the mixture of emotions that warred inside of him. Anger, hurt, betrayal, pain, and loss roiled and raged inside. Because the truth was, he had still expected to be a part of her life. Even if it were just a little bit.

But she had left him. And he still needed her. "_Max_…" he whispered out to the sunrise, not knowing that his voice was filled with the pain and rage he felt inside.

"Alec?" Kyra's sleepy voice caused him to quickly smooth away the frown from his brow.

"Hey," he acknowledged quietly, his voice devoid of any emotion.

Kyra leaned up on one elbow, her long blond hair falling into a golden cascade onto her pillow. Her sleepy blue eyes regarded him with a resigned tenderness. "Are you coming back to bed?"

Her voice was filled with a tentative hope that it broke Alec's heart. He knew—had known for a long time—what had to be done. He bit the insides of his cheek, pursed his lips and carefully shook his head. "No." There. The decision had finally been made.

Kyra's beautiful blue eyes shuttered. She gave him a single nod, as if she understood only too well exactly what that single word meant. Without a word, she deliberately pushed the sheets away as she, too, got out of bed. Mechanically, she started pulling the sheets into some semblance of order, making the bed with cold efficiency.

"Kyra," he said, his voice was soft, almost apologetic. At that moment, he wished more than ever that he was the old Alec. The smart, cocky, bastard fresh out of Manticore. The one who didn't care much about what others felt and thought. At least _that_ Alec had never felt this lump in his throat at the idea of hurting someone's feelings. That Alec had never thought twice about all the girls he had slept with. That Alec could have done this so much easier. "…Kyra, I'm so sorry…"

She straightened her shoulders and held up a palm to stop him. Her face was blank, but her eyes were openly wounded. "Just be honest with me, Alec," she demanded her voice hardening with each word she said as she built up a perimeter defense against him.

Alec shoved both his hands deep into the pockets of the sweatpants he had slept in last night. He glanced out the window. The world outside was brightening by the second, but the heavy clouds still obscured the sun.

"I can't explain," he started, his voice quiet and low. Strained, even to his own ears.

"Try." She demanded.

Alec almost smiled. It had been too long since he had seen the no-nonsense side of Kyra. He had almost missed it. She had become far too withdrawn and almost submissive the last few weeks a reaction to his coldness and distance in their 'relationship'. He knew without a doubt, she was far better off away from him.

He caught her eye and held it. "We fell into a routine, Kyra," he replied. He felt his palms start to sweat as his body reacted to the discomfort he was feeling about this conversation. He really was no good at this whole honesty and caring deal. But it was the least he could do for her.

She tilted her head to the side, arms crossed in front of her. She regarded him expectantly. She looked like a vision. Her long blond hair framed her delicately-boned face. Her chin was jutted forward defensively. Her body was completely covered by one of his white shirts, ending mid-thigh, leaving her long, shapely legs bare.

Not for the first time, Alec wondered why he couldn't just have fallen in love with her.

But the answer was painfully obvious. Because he was already in love with someone else.

"We just fell into a routine," he reiterated. "And I'm not…ready." That was a lie. Was it kinder to lie in this case?

She pursed her lips in skepticism. "Not ready? Or not _willing_?"

Alec ran a hand tiredly over his face, not really knowing how to answer her.

"Because guys don't just fall into a routine for months without at least believing that the routine could work," she insisted. "Right?"

He shrugged, not looking at her. He was struggling to find the words to explain how things had gotten so…misguided. How he had unintentionally mislead both of them into thinking that yeah, things could maybe work.

"We should have just left it at one night," she whispered, regret infusing her tone.

The sadness in her words caused him to look up at her, their eyes meeting. Alec felt a small twinge of pain in his heart for her. He did care about her. Enough that he couldn't stand the way her shields were crumbling. Her lower lip quivered valiantly, and she looked away from him, hiding her eyes from his scrutiny.

He strode over towards her and tentatively gathered her into his arms. "I'm sorry, Kyra," he whispered into her hair. "I never meant for things to…mislead…I thought I could—" he choked on the rest of his words. He had almost said, _love you_. "I thought I was ready." He amended quickly.

She shook her head. "You are ready, Alec. Just not with me, is it?"

He opened his mouth to lie again, but she placed a palm over his lips. "Don't lie. I may not be dealing with this relationship thing really well, but I'm still X5. I'll know."

Alec couldn't help but chuckle ruefully. He looked tenderly down at her. "You're right," he sighed.

"Who?"

"Does it matter?"

"Do you love her?"

Alec reared back slightly, caught off-guard by the directness of her question. But then again, this was Kyra—direct-approach, no-beating-around-the-bushes-Kyra. He should have expected it.

He released her from his embrace and dropped down to sit on the bed tiredly. Just the thought of Max and their affair, the aftermath of it, the pain that still lingered inside of him at the memory, and the fading hope that they could be something more, left him drained. "I don't know," he replied honestly. A vision of Max flashed in his mind. "But I know that I can't be with anyone else right now."

"You love her," she whispered, dropping heavily next to him. "You love her…like I love you."

Alec froze. "Kyra…" he rasped, feeling a sense of near-panic explode in his chest at her confession.

"Calm down, Alec," she reprimanded with a small, sad smile. "It's not like I'm asking you to love me back. You're already in love with someone else."

Alec released a slow, steadying breath. "It's just that…" he paused, dropping his head into his hands. "…I feel like the biggest idiot on this side of the planet. You don't deserve what I did—what I'm doing—to you."

"No, I really don't," she confirmed with a twisted grin. "But I'm…glad…that you decided to finally come clean. I think…I think it was worse not knowing."

"Sorry," he muttered in a strangled whisper.

"Better late than never, I guess."

He pulled her into a sideways hug, and she momentarily tucked her head into his shoulder in acceptance of the tiny piece of comfort he could give her. "This is it, isn't it?" she whispered.

"Yeah," he replied softly. "This is it." They stayed like that, lapsing into a thoughtful silence, considering what it meant to face the end of something.

Moments later, he released her slowly, and got up. "I'm gonna head over to HQ. I'll see you…" he broke off, realizing that here he was again, falling into routine.

"You won't," she smiled sadly. "At least not here…and not in this context."

Alec nodded. "Right."

He had nothing left to say. He gave her a small, apologetic, uncomfortable smile. He turned towards the shower, but she grabbed his hand before he could step away.

"It's Max, isn't it?"

Alec's heart doubled its pace at the mention of her name. He clenched his jaw, but nodded. He knew that lying about it would only exacerbate the wounds of their relationship. "Yeah…it's Max," he confirmed in a quiet, steady voice. "It's always been Max."

Kyra nodded in acceptance.

"How…?"

"Just a feeling," she replied. "Women's intuition. Plus the fact that she was the only one you ever spent a great deal of time with before…" she paused, and simply gestured to the two of them. There was no more '_us'_ for them. She would never tell him that she had heard his agonized whisper of her name just moments before.

Alec felt a brief pang of sadness wash over him. She just smiled sadly, gave his hand a short squeeze and released it.

Without another word, Alec turned around to walk into the shower knowing full-well that when he got out, she would be gone. Every trace of her would be erased from his apartment. It was sad to know that he would probably never notice if it made any difference at all.

They could have had something good. But he was still rooting for something even greater.

"Max," he whispered to himself as water splashed onto his bare chest. "I'm bringing you back home," he promised. He was going to reclaim his place in her life—he only wished he knew what that was.

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"Josh!" Alec called out as he walked into his friend's apartment. His voice was tinged with an old anger that refused to die down. He took a deep breath to control his temper, paint fumes assaulting his senses. After a moment, he followed the scent until he found Joshua.

The gigantic dog-man, peered from behind a canvas, a look of apprehension on his face. He didn't look surprised or shocked—which told Alec that Joshua had been expecting this confrontation. In fact, there was a bit of relief in his friend's eyes, as if he had been waiting for this for a while now.

"Where is she?" he demanded without preamble.

"Uh…don't know," replied the dog-man, scratching his head with the tip of his paintbrush. But his brilliant blue eyes shifted uncomfortably.

"C'mon, Josh…" he cajoled, switching tactics. "It's me, Medium Fella, you wouldn't hide anything from me, would ya?"

The dog-man whimpered slightly. "Big Fella can't tell."

"Hey, you can tell me anything," he asserted, stepping forward. "I _promise_ I won't let her get mad at you," he joked. "She can get mad at me all she wants, but I'll tell her that I _made_ you tell me."

Joshua shook his head briskly. "No, no, no…Little Fella go away for good reason."

Alec dropped his poor attempt at humor, and instead allowed his friend to see the genuine concern in his eyes. "What reason is that, Big Fella?"

Joshua ducked his head behind his canvas. "Little Fella made mistake," he mumbled, his voice coming out as a canine-like whimper. "Little Fella hurt inside."

Alec narrowed his eyes as he digested what those words could possibly mean. He walked carefully over to Joshua's side of the canvas and stared at the abstract painting in front of him. Everything was dark: blacks splattered over grays and browns. Blood-red and deep blues intermingled with the darkness offering a splash of color—but one that was still forbidding instead of hopeful. There was one small light spot in the very heart of the painting.

"What you got there?"

"Max."

An eyebrow quirked. "Right," he muttered. "Cuz I can really see her in it. I think I can see an ear."

Joshua snorted at him. "Darkness, confusion," he explained, his large hands following the giant strokes of dark paint. "Pain, sorrow," he continued, this time his fingers pointing to the little pieces of red and blue.

"Okay. And what's that?" asked Alec, pointing directly at the small orb of pale yellow and white.

"Hope." Joshua murmured. "Little Fella carry hope inside."

"Well…uh…that's good," said Alec. "Umm…great impasto strokes," he encouraged. Then with a mercurial switch of topic, he asked, "You said she was hurt inside…why is she hurt?"

Joshua shrugged, but didn't answer him. Instead, he reached down and dipped his brush in black, and applied a light stroke over the yellow. He did this with deliberation, so that only a hint of light came through the darkness.

"Whoa, whoa, _whoa_!" cried Alec. "Why'd you do that?" He watched as the tiny symbol of hope became more and more obscured by the murky dark paint.

"Little Fella can't find the hope yet," sighed Joshua.

Alec stared morosely at the painting. "Why not?" he asked, almost to himself. Just staring at Joshua's painting, Alec could almost swear that he felt Max's pain.

"Love hurt."

Alec bit his lower lip, contemplating the question that had swirled around inside of him for weeks. "Is it Logan?" he finally asked, a note of defeat in his voice. Why even bother asking? _Of course_, it was Logan. What had he done to her? He turned to the big guy next to him, and clapped him on the back. "Never mind, buddy, don't answer that," he muttered. "I'll see ya later, okay?"

"Okay." Joshua was looking at him intently, his bright blue eyes seeming to read inside Alec. "Alec, can you see the hope?"

He blinked at Joshua's strange question. His eyes slid over to the painting where only the barest hint of light came through. It felt like this morning, the dark clouds never once parting to let the sun through. His eyes returned to Joshua's waiting ones. "I don't know," he replied honestly. "Right now, I don't think so. Sorry, buddy."

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**A/N2: Thanks for reading. We'll see where this goes next. At least now, Alec is going to look for Max and Kyra is out of the picture. Though, I kinda felt bad for her…I just couldn't make her be the bad guy. Nobody is the bad guy in this fic, I think. Everyone is just … lost.**


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